I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
