Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
