What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
