So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
