I accidentally had phone sex last night
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
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