That's when you crack a 10am beer
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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