We should be called the Road Head Warriors
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
