I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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