Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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