We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
