I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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