Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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