i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
