turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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