It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
