i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
