I have demons in me.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
