..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Im part way to drunk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
