Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
