No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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