i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
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Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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