How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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