OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
