I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
