it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
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I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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