Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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