The maid of honor just puked.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
