u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can you repeat that, but with context?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
