Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize