I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
