i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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