I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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