We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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