Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
