so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
