we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
