well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
