Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
