I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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