I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
