My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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