Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
