Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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