Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My dick has a subreddit
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
