Your tits are I can't wait for
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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