normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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