plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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