That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
