I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
