Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We left an ass print on the piano.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
