the condom got lost in my hair
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The ass gains better be worth it
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