Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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