Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
