You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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