Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My life is pants optional.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
