i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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