i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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