So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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