First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
