so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
