I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it's like heaven, but drunker
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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