Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
