haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize