Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
