Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
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Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
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I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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