Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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