Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
