just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
