Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
