remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Sorry about my life...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
