Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
