I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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