i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
