his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
