i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
