He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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