its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
