Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
