i just had sex bonerless
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
