i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
