apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
